To All The Articles I Didn’t Write, I Apologize

The first draft of my future apology video

adevarias

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I’m making fun of myself. Why? Because I’ve had 4 different article ideas today and I’ve written a total of 0 words in any direction. This one I’m writing now is off the cuff — unscripted ~going with the flow~.

I don’t want to write them because I’m not ready to write them. They’re too political, chaotic, or research heavy. I know everything in them is factual — but I don’t want to spend the time and rigor going through and finding all the resources and references — as my reader deserves.

The reality is that I’m burnt out.

Everyone talks about acknowledging you’re burnt out, but then what?

Seriously. I’m here staring at my computer mounds of work to get through. The worry, the stress, the numb immobility I feel at the mountain of work in front of me it’s debilitating me and affecting all of my relationships. And yes. My mood.

But then what? I can’t quit, I can’t scream, I can’t run. I’m stuck here in this rat race inspired to do anything but what I’m expected to do.

I’m devolving into a goblin that only chases an unnaturally unattainable pot of gold. I’ve reached the end of my line and I’m surrounded with people, things and memories — and I feel lonely and insignificant.

But oh boy am I significant! If I were to disappear tomorrow the world would crumble! The existence of the architecture field itself would dismantle and cease to exist. Humanity itself cannot fathom a day without me grinding a way at my desk.

And yet if I die or become useless to people — the world would go on seamlessly without me.

How to not drown in a glass of water:

Step 1 — Suck it up.

Step 2 — Buy a Redbull.

Step 3 — Continue working.

Step 4 — Indulge in your crisis.

Step 5 — See step 1.

What can I say? I hate it here. And by here, I mean this current state of being.

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adevarias

Architectural designer crafting well-researched articles envisioning the future of the built environment.